tired of snow

Okay...it is the 7th of March...and what is happening...we are expected to get 8-12 inches of FRICKIN SHOW!!!!! The most we have had all winter!
Currently we have about 3-4...I'll have to post a picture later. I am so ready for sun shine and temps above 65! I'm like a bear ready to get out of this den...growl.

swirling

The pit is back in my stomach.. thinking about finances again. Taxes, school tuition, plane tickets, monthly bills. Why did the DVD player break? Could we have waited for a new one? Why can I not stop stressing over it all? Going on less than 4 hours of sleep per night. Working frantically like a squirrel gathering for the tough times. Still this feeling of uncertainty. Hate it. What is happening in 2008. Am I losing it. Medicine change again..cause or effect.

Finding that the rain adds to the process. Raining..thinking..stressing. Garage flooded again. Shoes wet..yelled this morning..sad drop off...guilt sets in and will last until pick up...tears now flow...yet more water. So need some sun. Is this the symptom of SAD..do I need a "grow lamp" or just to hit the lottery..LOL.

gonna do it

Well I did it. I booked a flight for Em and I to go see Grampa, GranT, Aunt T, Aunt J, B, and all the rest of the gang. I so need to visit.

Of course I feel incredibly guilty cause my honey will be home all alone on Easter. So hard constantly feeling torn between wanting to see family and yet stay with my love.

quiet

So quiet in the house. M at work. Em at a sleepover.. Just me and the dog. First time in awhile especially in the evening.

I'll finish up some work, start the washing machine, throw salt on the ice skating rink..(um..driveway), tidy up Em's room (you know..get rid of the papers and stuff that is really trash..would be nice to see the top of her dresser..), and maybe watch a girly movie.

I'm getting old..used to be I would be getting ready to hit the bars around this time...oh..about 15-20 years ago...wow..it has been that long..damn..

Well there is something about being older... comfy sweats, John Denver on the CD player, and just the quiet solitude.

dreams in song

Did you ever go to sleep and have your dreams filled with songs?

That is what happened to me last night. It was sort of like my own personal music video. I dreamt of loved ones who have passed and it was amazing.

Brad and Dolly singing "When I Get Where I am going". It was so comforting to see those that I love in peace, feeling healthy, and happy.

Makes me cry missing them but I was comforted with seeing them in my dreams and I got their
loving messages last night

thinking

What are certain Mothers teaching their children? If there is a group around and you hear them talking down about someone else or someone else's child it makes you wonder. Especially if they are "friends" with the person they are gossiping about....What do they say about me and my child when I am not around? What do they teach their daughters and sons at home, during family time? Why is it that under the "cover" of religion people can be rude, hurtful, gossip, laugh? Do I want my child to be in contact with these individuals? Many times I feel like an outsider as I stand there..almost unseen..quietly listening. I am trying to raise my child to be a gentle soul, a caring individual, willing to help others no matter what class, gender, religion, race they are.

Granted I am not perfect and my child is not perfect but I refuse to talk nasty about others. My philosophy: Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if he or she were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness, and understanding you can muster, and do so with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.

My heart was lifted when we got home. My baby told me how she helped two different children who had bloody noses today (one a boy and one a girl). During recess...one hit with a ball. Accidents happen. Children are children especially when finally able to go outside and play in the sun. She was not involved but she was being the caring soul I am trying to raise and was willing to walk with the injured child into school to get help. Being a friend.

If only all children were willing to help others in need. Those gentle souls grow to be gentle adults and just imagine what this world would be like in the future.

snow days

Is it bad to wish for a snow day harder that your own child?

The Chicken Little weather people were at it last night..."oh...the big snow is comin, the big snow is coming"...all we needed to hear were the words "hunker down" and I would have lost it.

Anyway...supposed to get 4-6 inches...HAHAHAHA..maybe got 1 if we were lucky. The sleet has
started now and I am more worried about that.

Thankfully the schools were smart and closed. YIPPEE! Got to sleep in until 7:45 today..woohoo! Granted I was up at 5:30 cause honey had to go out into it. I worry when he travels farther from home.

Sometimes loving someone so much can be scary when you worry so. M&Em...they are my love and my life.