vent

Can I just vent for a moment. Please skip this if you don't want to read it. I just need to get it out.

I REALLY FRICKEN HATE having rheumatoid arthritis. It stops me from living my life and I have just about HAD IT. I will be 40 next year and I feel like I am 85.

I could not take my own daughter out trick or treating last night. I could barely walk from one end of our 1200 square foot ranch house to the other. I hate that it is preventing me from doing so many things. I hate that I am seriously looking at purchasing a cane in the next week. I can't walk in the grocery store without hanging on for dear life to a shopping cart. I hate that it prevents me from getting a full nights sleep. Not to mention, just simply standing in the kitchen making cookies last night completely wiped me out today. I actually had to have my daughter put my socks on this morning and I had to use crutches to get around. It seriously pisses me off.

If you are able to get up in the morning and get to the bathroom without worrying about peeing on yourself, be very thankful.

If you can take your child to events without wondering if there is going to be a place for you to sit or how much you will be able to stand, be very thankful.

If you can volunteer at your child's school without having to sit all the time, be very thankful.

If you can stand in one place for more than five minutes and still be able to move afterwards, be very thankful.

If you can reach over and tie your own shoelaces, be very thankful.

If you can walk to your own mailbox and get the mail, be very thankful.

If you can make it a day without pain so severe you understand why people choose to die, be very thankful.

Me..I am thankful that I have friends and family that understand and are there to help me. I am also thankful that I have health insurance and medications to get me through the rough times. I am also planning for total hip replacement next year, because I can't stand to sit out any more.